Category Archives: Mommyhood

Instagram: Making Me Doubt Myself on a Regular Basis

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Sometimes I think joining instagram was one if the worst things I could have done. Not because of the drama, I haven’t had that issue with it. But because of all the parents I have on my account. I’m not saying they are bad people or parents, quite the opposite actually. Many of them have a kid or two around Allys age and it seems like every time I login and see what some of my favorite people are up to, they are doing all sorts of creative things and their kid looks like a freaking genius. Which only makes me feel like a terrible mother because either we don’t do those things or Ally isn’t to that point yet, which would, again, be my fault.

I know everyone has different parenting styles and you are not supposed to compare you or your kid to others, but that is easier said than done. I see plenty of parents who do all organic and never let their kid eat junk food and here I am getting Ally a happy meal because she said she wanted fries and nuggets. I see their kids have a wide variety of things they will eat and I’m rotating around 5 meals every time we eat. Ally is picky, which she probably gets from me, so there we see again that I am at fault for her nutrition.

I see many parents try to limit their kids TV time and here me and Ally sit for a good chunk of the day watching movies and bouncing from Nick Jr to Disney Jr. I just feel like Ally is learning from things like Team Umizoomi and Dora. And she is, Ally knows a lot of shapes and even counted to eight in Spanish a couple weeks ago. But I feel like maybe I am also hindering her development somehow. I was an only child so kids confuse me sometimes. And I watched TV all the time as a kid, I still ended up on honor roll more times than not. I could have been in advanced classes had I not let boys get in the way. I just worry I’m not helping her learn to her fullest abilities.

I also see many of them have either already potty trained their kid or are currently working on it. We have not and I know we should have by now. The idea of potty training seems like a 3D jigsaw puzzle, entirely too hard. I see people making charts to help and can’t help but think “Ally won’t understand that chart, she will just want to play with the stickers.” Maybe I’m not giving her enough credit but like I said, I just feel like I’m not showing her the things she needs to know and when I see all these other parents showing their perfect children and their perfect lives, it makes me feel like crap.

I have considered the fact that they only show the good stuff going on in their lives to put on a facade of perfect health and learning, but it still doesn’t help me feel any better. I try not to spend too much time on instagram so that I don’t have to feel inferior, and sometimes I want to delete it entirely, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Too many memories and pictures I want to keep. I guess all I can do is keep trying to be the best mom I can be and not let others be the deciding factor in my mothering abilities.

The Fears of Having a Second Kid

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So its been a while since I’ve last blogged and a few things have had me pretty busy. We moved from a rent house to an apartment to save money and then bam, I get pregnant. I’m not surprised though considering we were kind of trying. But anyways Ally is about to turn two this month and I’m four months along in my pregnancy.

I’m excited that we will be adding to our family, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I’m terrified right now. Just so many worries. I am an only child from a divorced home, I’ve never know what it was like to have siblings or watch as my parents loved more than just me. I have this horrible fear that I won’t be able to love two children equally. When Ally came into my life I was shown a whole new kind of love and attachment, how can that happen more than once? Will I be biased and favor one child over the other? I don’t want that to be the case, at all. I’m worried Ally will feel left out or pushed aside with a new baby.

How can I do this? How do I know I will be able to be a good mom to two kids? How can I lead two children and raise them to be productive members of society? I’m just lucky that I have my husband to help me. He has siblings and is great with kids, we are total opposites that way. Without him, I would be lost. But even knowing he will be there, I am still scared. I need to be strong and I need to remember that I will fail from time to time and as long as I learn from my mistakes I should be fine. Its just hard. I know Mykal can handle the bills and will take care of us. I know he would be a better stay at home parent than I will be, I’m not afraid to admit that, ashamed? Yes. But I will admit it none the less. The things I do know isn’t an issue though. Its the things I don’t. Its the unknown, those are the things that keep me up at night.

But maybe getting some of those things out of my head will give me a little peace and allow me to get the sleep I need. I’m going to try and sleep right now. Wish me luck.

Good night.

I Found My Way Back to the Interwebz!

Posted in Family, Gaming, Geekery, Life, Mommyhood by

It’s been about a month since I last blogged. A lot has been going on that I just haven’t found the time to sit and blog, not to mention that when Ally sees the laptop out she runs right over and starts pushing as many buttons as possible haha. So basically if she is awake, then no laptop. I started a part-time job around the time I posted my last post, and since then I’ve been trying to put in some extra hours. Those credit cards aren’t going to pay themselves, though that would be great if they did. A good friend that I’ve known since elementary school got me in at his job, which goes to prove, once again, that it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Lucky for me I know a lot of people. Because I know you are dying to know where I work, I’ll just say that I work in a senior living home in dining services. Which has its ups and downs, but that’s a post for another day, today I’m just playing catch up.

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A Moment Of Clarity That Leads To A Better Me

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Today while stressing out about bills, as I always do because I’m pretty much stressed out all the time due to being an overthinker, I decided to finally do the pile of dishes that had been staring at me all day. I forgot how much I like to clean and how it always makes me feel better, which is insane since my room was always messy until I married Mykal. Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up a disorganized mess that being in a clean, organized and structured home, puts my mind at ease. All the things that I have been worrying about just seemed to fade away and allowed me to think for a moment. The mind is truly amazing, it is always thinking and it can be overwhelming, but when I clean I am allowed to focus on the tedious task and distract my brain which allowed for that moment of clarity I so desperatly needed. For some reason all of my problems and worries seems insignificant and almost like I will be able to overcome them, It just seemed so simple, like I was just worrying so much about the problems that I was blind to the answer that was sitting there in front of me. Continue reading →

11 Months Already?! How Can This Be?

Oh my gosh! How did this happen?! Where, oh where has the time gone? Ally is 11 months now and on the 31st she will be a year. A year! It’s just so hard to believe. It feels like only yesterday that the nurses were handing her to me and I was holding my sweet baby girl in my arms for the first time. A lot has happened since then, and she’s grown into quite the little determined and inquisitive drama queen. She began walking last week, I was so proud. It was just so amazing to watch her let go of the couch and take off to her play area without any help. Now she’s walking all over the place. I love it! But I know that this just means that there’s more trouble for her to get into, and I’ll need to take baby proofing and turn it to toddler proofing. Yea, good luck with that. Haha. This month will be a busy one. I’m working on her first birthday party, and of course I want it to be perfect. I have a vision in my head and now I just need to make it a reality. Her theme will be Alice in Wonderland, and I’m just so excited! My little Ally in Wonderland, she will be so adorable! I can’t wait!

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Life Is Good and Always Getting Better

Posted in Family, Gaming, Geekery, Life, Mommyhood by

Hello there, friends! More exciting things happening in the world of Sam. Remember when I mentioned that I was a community manager for Talking About Games? Well, it’s gotten even better. I was asked to be a host on the Talking About Gamers podcast! Sure these things may sound silly to some, and it may be even sillier for me to be so excited about them, but I am absolutely thrilled. I really do love video games and the whole gaming community, and these things just let me embrace that and be more involved with it all. Sure I have been a little apprehensive with it all, I don’t want to intrude on anything. But I think I am going to try to be a bit more outgoing with it. If I cross any lines, I’m sure they’ll tell me. Who knows, maybe the podcast will help with Likes and Followers for TAG. Our first recording will be this Sunday. I am excited and nervous. I hope I do a good job. I better start playing a few new games so I can be up to speed on it all. Continue reading →

Hello Again, It’s Been Too Long

Posted in Family, Gaming, Geekery, Life, Mommyhood by

Hey there, so we are going on like, what, a month of no new posts? Sorry about that folks. I’ve been meaning to post something and then things just get in the way or I am too tired to do so. There have been a lot of changes going on lately and I’m still adjusting to it all. I guess I could just go ahead and get you up to speed on things. Ready for a mini novel?

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Here Fishy, Fishy, Fishy

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Seems like the only time I have time to write is when every one is asleep, but by then I’m so tired I just want to crash out as well. I guess that’s the life of a working mother. That’s ok, Ally is totally worth it. While this isn’t the post I wanted it to be, it is something. That has to count right? I’m still working in a couple that I’ve been wanting to post for a week now, hopefully I’ll find some time in the next couple days to finish them up and deliver them straight to you with a big red bow.

Quick update time! Continue reading →

The Cup Half Full

Good morning everyone!

I am in a particularly good mood today. Not really sure why, but I feel like I have a special appreciation for life today. Maybe it was because my father in law came to stay with us for the past couple days. Maybe it is because Ally woke up with such a smile on her face that it always melts away my problems. Or maybe it was simply the good bye kiss Mykal and I exchanged this morning before heading off to work. Any way you look at it, it’s a good day to be alive. Heck, it’s a good day to be me!

I know I said that my next post was going to be about gamer girls, but I am still working on perfecting that one. I can be a bit of a perfectionist sometimes, which is funny because I am also a procrastinator. A procrastinating perfectionist… sounds like an oxymoron to me. That’s ok, I’m pretty sure I’m a walking contradiction sometimes. *In my best little girl voice*: It’s what makes me special!

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Happy Holidays!

Holy massive followers Batman!

Let me first say how shocked and excited I am right now. Last night I was making some alterations and adjustments to my blog, and I noticed that the subscriber section said I have 97 subscribers! I’m super excited about that. Yes, I said excited, I lead such an interesting life right? Haha. Seriously, thank you to all of you who have subscribed! I really appreciate it.

Now onto more ramblings. Continue reading →