Category Archives: Life

Annual Rambling Post

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I swear I only post once a year, what kind of blog am I running here? Geez. Well here is my post for 2016, I could say that I will do better but who knows if I actually will or not. It is something I am trying to improve on still. I have a hard time finding time to do the things I like and when I do have free time I usually spend it doing other things. Time management is something I need to work at, school, work, kids… it can be hard to balance it all out. I need more self disciplone when it comes to managing my time. Oh well. I’ll just try to do one thing better a day and maybe it will work out.

So anyways, this isn’t a post to declare any sort of new years resolution. I didn’t even accomplish anything that was in my last post about things I wanted to do in 2015. But I did go back to school. That might have been on my list, although it has been an adjustment. The school hasn’t been very helpful, and it seems like every time I get ahead, something happens that sets me back. I’ll get there though. I have to. I have to finish and I have to show Ally and Leo that it can be done no matter what the circustances. I may not be able to give them the life I originally wanted for them but I can still instil the need for a good education in them. I have many doubts about myself as a parent on a regular basis but I know that I am not wrong on this one.

Mainly the reason for this scattered post is just to write agian, in any form. I have slacked off quite a bit this last year and I know I can do better. I find it relaxing to write for fun. Writing for class was okay but there was pressure to make the grade, to have a format and be confined to a specific topic,  writing here is a little more free and I can do it in any form I see fit.

I need to do some major changes on my entire blog. The about me page is gone so that I can rewrite it. My life isn’t what it was when I started this blog. Many things are different. If they are for the better, that has yet to be seen. But many times you cannot go back. You must always move forward. Does life have a plan for me? Or am I in complete control? Are the choices I have made and that I continue to make the right ones for me and the kids? I surely hope so. I am in constant turmoil about it and  hope that they turn out alright despite the life they will be brought up in. I hope they know that both of their parents love them even though we aren’t the family unit we started out as.

Well it is late and my rambling is just that, rambling. I have a few ideas for actual posts but let’s see if I can sit still long enough to actually write them.

Until next time.

A Change in the Winds

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I won’t lie. Things have been feeling pretty dark lately. Not even sure why. Ok, that is a lie. I have a pretty good idea of why I’ve been so angry and frustrated lately. Jealousy. Not the typical jealous spouse type, just green with envy, jealousy. I see the ambition my husband has and I wish I had it too. Sad thing is that I used to have it. I used to be a different person. Then I had kids and settled down, but not in a good way. I’m not blaming my kids, I have no one to blame but myself. I let myself become lazy and started using excuses for everything.

No more excuses.

No more negative feelings.

I have so many things to be thankful for. And yet, all I can do is see the negative. I’m pretty sure I’ve always been that way. But as I am laying here in bed, I suddenly feel this rush and everything changes. I wish u knew what triggered it. I just feel so thankful. So grateful. So happy. Which is weird for me. I haven’t been content and happy in a while. I love my family more than anything. Love isn’t happiness though. Putting on a facade of happiness is exhausting. It really and truly is. Now I’m not saying I don’t have happy moments, I have plenty of moments that I am smiling and playing with my kids. I just haven’t felt peaceful. I feel it right now though. Total peace. A feeling that tells me everything is going to be fine. A feeling that tells me I do have the power to be a great mother and wife. Maybe even a great friend again.

I have this urge to reach out and make someone else this happy. I wonder if this is how my husband feels when he is doing his health coach thing? I feel like when I wake up tomorrow, I want to take the world by storm. I want to go out with the kids and make someone’s day better. My heart swells just thinking about it. This must be what it feels like to be positive. I’ve been wondering what everyone means when they says “be positive”. Don’t get me wrong, I am not hateful and bitter. I just tend to dwell on things I can’t change. I get overwhelmed and I let that bring me down. Social media can do that to you from time to time. Not anymore though. I refuse to let that happen. I will grab ahold of this positive energy that has hit me like a ton of bricks, and I won’t let go.

I don’t know what I will do when I wake up, but my plan is to just make some sort of impact on someone’s life. Whether it be a wave and kind smile to stranger or a simple high five to a kid. I just know that I want to do something to spread the love around. To help lift someone up when they are down. I can do this.

Instagram: Making Me Doubt Myself on a Regular Basis

Posted in Life, Mommyhood by

Sometimes I think joining instagram was one if the worst things I could have done. Not because of the drama, I haven’t had that issue with it. But because of all the parents I have on my account. I’m not saying they are bad people or parents, quite the opposite actually. Many of them have a kid or two around Allys age and it seems like every time I login and see what some of my favorite people are up to, they are doing all sorts of creative things and their kid looks like a freaking genius. Which only makes me feel like a terrible mother because either we don’t do those things or Ally isn’t to that point yet, which would, again, be my fault.

I know everyone has different parenting styles and you are not supposed to compare you or your kid to others, but that is easier said than done. I see plenty of parents who do all organic and never let their kid eat junk food and here I am getting Ally a happy meal because she said she wanted fries and nuggets. I see their kids have a wide variety of things they will eat and I’m rotating around 5 meals every time we eat. Ally is picky, which she probably gets from me, so there we see again that I am at fault for her nutrition.

I see many parents try to limit their kids TV time and here me and Ally sit for a good chunk of the day watching movies and bouncing from Nick Jr to Disney Jr. I just feel like Ally is learning from things like Team Umizoomi and Dora. And she is, Ally knows a lot of shapes and even counted to eight in Spanish a couple weeks ago. But I feel like maybe I am also hindering her development somehow. I was an only child so kids confuse me sometimes. And I watched TV all the time as a kid, I still ended up on honor roll more times than not. I could have been in advanced classes had I not let boys get in the way. I just worry I’m not helping her learn to her fullest abilities.

I also see many of them have either already potty trained their kid or are currently working on it. We have not and I know we should have by now. The idea of potty training seems like a 3D jigsaw puzzle, entirely too hard. I see people making charts to help and can’t help but think “Ally won’t understand that chart, she will just want to play with the stickers.” Maybe I’m not giving her enough credit but like I said, I just feel like I’m not showing her the things she needs to know and when I see all these other parents showing their perfect children and their perfect lives, it makes me feel like crap.

I have considered the fact that they only show the good stuff going on in their lives to put on a facade of perfect health and learning, but it still doesn’t help me feel any better. I try not to spend too much time on instagram so that I don’t have to feel inferior, and sometimes I want to delete it entirely, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Too many memories and pictures I want to keep. I guess all I can do is keep trying to be the best mom I can be and not let others be the deciding factor in my mothering abilities.

The Fears of Having a Second Kid

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So its been a while since I’ve last blogged and a few things have had me pretty busy. We moved from a rent house to an apartment to save money and then bam, I get pregnant. I’m not surprised though considering we were kind of trying. But anyways Ally is about to turn two this month and I’m four months along in my pregnancy.

I’m excited that we will be adding to our family, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I’m terrified right now. Just so many worries. I am an only child from a divorced home, I’ve never know what it was like to have siblings or watch as my parents loved more than just me. I have this horrible fear that I won’t be able to love two children equally. When Ally came into my life I was shown a whole new kind of love and attachment, how can that happen more than once? Will I be biased and favor one child over the other? I don’t want that to be the case, at all. I’m worried Ally will feel left out or pushed aside with a new baby.

How can I do this? How do I know I will be able to be a good mom to two kids? How can I lead two children and raise them to be productive members of society? I’m just lucky that I have my husband to help me. He has siblings and is great with kids, we are total opposites that way. Without him, I would be lost. But even knowing he will be there, I am still scared. I need to be strong and I need to remember that I will fail from time to time and as long as I learn from my mistakes I should be fine. Its just hard. I know Mykal can handle the bills and will take care of us. I know he would be a better stay at home parent than I will be, I’m not afraid to admit that, ashamed? Yes. But I will admit it none the less. The things I do know isn’t an issue though. Its the things I don’t. Its the unknown, those are the things that keep me up at night.

But maybe getting some of those things out of my head will give me a little peace and allow me to get the sleep I need. I’m going to try and sleep right now. Wish me luck.

Good night.

I Found My Way Back to the Interwebz!

Posted in Family, Gaming, Geekery, Life, Mommyhood by

It’s been about a month since I last blogged. A lot has been going on that I just haven’t found the time to sit and blog, not to mention that when Ally sees the laptop out she runs right over and starts pushing as many buttons as possible haha. So basically if she is awake, then no laptop. I started a part-time job around the time I posted my last post, and since then I’ve been trying to put in some extra hours. Those credit cards aren’t going to pay themselves, though that would be great if they did. A good friend that I’ve known since elementary school got me in at his job, which goes to prove, once again, that it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Lucky for me I know a lot of people. Because I know you are dying to know where I work, I’ll just say that I work in a senior living home in dining services. Which has its ups and downs, but that’s a post for another day, today I’m just playing catch up.

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Photoshop Is Fun

Posted in Geekery, Life by

Today I have spent all day playing on Photoshop. I had a friend who wanted me to change up a logo for him, and even though I’m not very good at Photoshop, I told him I’d give it a try anyway. I could use the practice. So I sent him a final draft of it, and then I found a few more tips and tricks to make it look even better, to me anyway haha. He may not like it as much, but either way I am very proud of my work. So I figured I might try to update my blog logo as well, I wasn’t feeling all that great about the one I made last week. The layout was what I wanted, but the final product felt like it was missing something. So this is my new logo, and I am pretty fond of it right now. Let me know what you think.

I have a few things on my mind that I am really needing to write, hopefully I will get a chance tomorrow. Have a great Friday and enjoy The Dark Knight Rises if you plan on seeing it. I know I plan to. 🙂

A Moment Of Clarity That Leads To A Better Me

Posted in Family, Life, Mommyhood by

Today while stressing out about bills, as I always do because I’m pretty much stressed out all the time due to being an overthinker, I decided to finally do the pile of dishes that had been staring at me all day. I forgot how much I like to clean and how it always makes me feel better, which is insane since my room was always messy until I married Mykal. Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up a disorganized mess that being in a clean, organized and structured home, puts my mind at ease. All the things that I have been worrying about just seemed to fade away and allowed me to think for a moment. The mind is truly amazing, it is always thinking and it can be overwhelming, but when I clean I am allowed to focus on the tedious task and distract my brain which allowed for that moment of clarity I so desperatly needed. For some reason all of my problems and worries seems insignificant and almost like I will be able to overcome them, It just seemed so simple, like I was just worrying so much about the problems that I was blind to the answer that was sitting there in front of me. Continue reading →

My Name Is Samantha, And I’m Addicted To Pinterest

Posted in DIY, Family, Life by

In case you have never heard of it (have you been living under a rock??), Pinterest is pretty much an online cork board of ideas that you can “pin” to your personal boards for later use. It’s basically DIY heaven. I spend hours and hours looking at all the crafty ideas and getting inspired. Hell, it’s currently 12:47am and I am still surfing Pinterest! So if you have a job and a life, stay away from Pinterest, it’s a total time suck. It’s given me delicious meal ideas, things for me to sew, and ways to spruce up my house with a little DIY. Gawd I love this site.

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Dallas Comic Con 2012

Posted in Family, Fashion, Gaming, Geekery, Life by

Ok, I have to blog about this, because it was just such an amazing experience. Saturday I went to my very first Dallas Comic Con!

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11 Months Already?! How Can This Be?

Oh my gosh! How did this happen?! Where, oh where has the time gone? Ally is 11 months now and on the 31st she will be a year. A year! It’s just so hard to believe. It feels like only yesterday that the nurses were handing her to me and I was holding my sweet baby girl in my arms for the first time. A lot has happened since then, and she’s grown into quite the little determined and inquisitive drama queen. She began walking last week, I was so proud. It was just so amazing to watch her let go of the couch and take off to her play area without any help. Now she’s walking all over the place. I love it! But I know that this just means that there’s more trouble for her to get into, and I’ll need to take baby proofing and turn it to toddler proofing. Yea, good luck with that. Haha. This month will be a busy one. I’m working on her first birthday party, and of course I want it to be perfect. I have a vision in my head and now I just need to make it a reality. Her theme will be Alice in Wonderland, and I’m just so excited! My little Ally in Wonderland, she will be so adorable! I can’t wait!

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