I won’t lie. Things have been feeling pretty dark lately. Not even sure why. Ok, that is a lie. I have a pretty good idea of why I’ve been so angry and frustrated lately. Jealousy. Not the typical jealous spouse type, just green with envy, jealousy. I see the ambition my husband has and I wish I had it too. Sad thing is that I used to have it. I used to be a different person. Then I had kids and settled down, but not in a good way. I’m not blaming my kids, I have no one to blame but myself. I let myself become lazy and started using excuses for everything.

No more excuses.

No more negative feelings.

I have so many things to be thankful for. And yet, all I can do is see the negative. I’m pretty sure I’ve always been that way. But as I am laying here in bed, I suddenly feel this rush and everything changes. I wish u knew what triggered it. I just feel so thankful. So grateful. So happy. Which is weird for me. I haven’t been content and happy in a while. I love my family more than anything. Love isn’t happiness though. Putting on a facade of happiness is exhausting. It really and truly is. Now I’m not saying I don’t have happy moments, I have plenty of moments that I am smiling and playing with my kids. I just haven’t felt peaceful. I feel it right now though. Total peace. A feeling that tells me everything is going to be fine. A feeling that tells me I do have the power to be a great mother and wife. Maybe even a great friend again.

I have this urge to reach out and make someone else this happy. I wonder if this is how my husband feels when he is doing his health coach thing? I feel like when I wake up tomorrow, I want to take the world by storm. I want to go out with the kids and make someone’s day better. My heart swells just thinking about it. This must be what it feels like to be positive. I’ve been wondering what everyone means when they says “be positive”. Don’t get me wrong, I am not hateful and bitter. I just tend to dwell on things I can’t change. I get overwhelmed and I let that bring me down. Social media can do that to you from time to time. Not anymore though. I refuse to let that happen. I will grab ahold of this positive energy that has hit me like a ton of bricks, and I won’t let go.

I don’t know what I will do when I wake up, but my plan is to just make some sort of impact on someone’s life. Whether it be a wave and kind smile to stranger or a simple high five to a kid. I just know that I want to do something to spread the love around. To help lift someone up when they are down. I can do this.