Today while stressing out about bills, as I always do because I’m pretty much stressed out all the time due to being an overthinker, I decided to finally do the pile of dishes that had been staring at me all day. I forgot how much I like to clean and how it always makes me feel better, which is insane since my room was always messy until I married Mykal. Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up a disorganized mess that being in a clean, organized and structured home, puts my mind at ease. All the things that I have been worrying about just seemed to fade away and allowed me to think for a moment. The mind is truly amazing, it is always thinking and it can be overwhelming, but when I clean I am allowed to focus on the tedious task and distract my brain which allowed for that moment of clarity I so desperatly needed. For some reason all of my problems and worries seems insignificant and almost like I will be able to overcome them, It just seemed so simple, like I was just worrying so much about the problems that I was blind to the answer that was sitting there in front of me.

While this might sound silly, I also caught myself singing the original Pokemon theme song. Strangely enough it always seems to inspire me. So that plus my ability to think straight made me realize how much more I could be doing in all aspects of my life. I could be a better wife, mother, homemaker, at home business woman, blogger, podcaster, gamer, community manager, and overall person. I can do this. I will do this. I will set a schedule and I will stick to it. I will wake up and remember the wise wise words of Yoda, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.” So I will not try, I will do. This house will be so neat and clean that you would think we had a maid, there will be a home made dinner on the table everyday, laundry will be folded and put away, I will make that extra money with Amway, I will teach my daughter as much as she can to make her shine even brighter than she already does, I’ll blog at least twice a week, catch up on all my games, be crafty, workout daily, and be the best damn community manager I can be.

I do want to be the very best. It sounds like a lot and you may think that it will be too much for me to handle, and it very well might be. It will be a work in progress, but I have done more before and I am going to get my old self back. The Sam that was able to write an essay in the lunch period on the day it was due, and was still able to get an A. I want my daughter to see me as super woman, and my husband to remember that I was indeed one of the best things to ever happen to him. This post is a promise to be the best me that I can be. It’s true that these past few months of not working have made me soft and lazy, so much so, that some people were starting to think I was depressed. I was actually starting to believe them. But I refuse to acknowldge such a thing could ever be possible for me. I tell myself that I am not normal, I will not succumb to such things because I am more stubborn and will be victorious.

This all might just make you roll your eyes and think “oh geez, she’s one of those people.” I am just tired of seeing everyone else do amazing things while I sit here in mediocrity. And it’s even harder to do when you know for a fact that you can be better. I am inpsiried daily by my friends and the things they do, I want to be an inspiriation to someone somewhere. I’m also tired of sitting here at home thinking that something will change on it’s own. It won’t. I keep making excuses for why I am doing this or not doing that. I am just standing in my own way. It won’t be easy, but my dreams will only be a reality if I buckle down and do what I have to do.

Tomorrow is a new day, the first day of a better me. I will make my old self proud.